Time is Marching On | The Flamingo Chronicals: Time is Marching On

Time is Marching On

My blogging has been a little sporadic of late, I know. This summer and fall have been a tough one for me. I have spent a fair amount of time pondering.

The passing of time.
Fate and reality.
Loving and loosing.

The photo above is circa 1972, our fabulous little family. Daddy, Linda, (my step mom since I was two), my brother and myself. Check out the print on my dress! And on Daddy's pants too - crazy! Let's not talk about the cigarette hanging out of his mouth - it was the 70's after all.

Daddy died in 2007 from pancreatic cancer. He was well one day and gone 16 weeks later. So sudden and I barely had time to say goodbye. I still miss him every single day. I am so sad he never got to meet his beautiful great granddaughter - I know he would have loved her and doted on her just like he did my girls.

This photo is my Gussie - Daddy's Mama. This was the last Christmas we got to spend with her in 2009. She passed in 2010 and it almost broke my heart. I was her caregiver for the last 10 years of her life. She was the absolute joy of my life and I loved her so much. I am so very thankful I was able so spend so much time with her, and that my girls were able to as well. They had their Great Grandmother until they were in their 20's and she lived a half mile down the road from us. A blessing for sure.

During this time my oldest friend also died - from cancer. It was very sudden and very unexpected. She went to the ER one night and never went home again. I had just had a tonsillectomy - I got the call that she was in the hospital while I was on the operating table. I wasn't allowed to fly. I couldn't talk. She passed away before I could even say goodbye. I wasn't allowed to fly out to go to her funeral. 

This May, shortly after Mother's Day, Linda was diagnosed with cancer as well. Colon Cancer. Her outlook was good. They found it early. The surgery was successful. They removed all of the growth. Chemo was going well. Then she got sick.

One morning I got a call from the hospital Doctor. You know it is not good when the actual DOCTOR calls you, not a nurse. She was failing fast and they wanted her Medical Power of Attorney there quickly. That person was me.

Packed a bag.

Drove like a madwoman to east Texas to the hospital.

Conferenced with the DR. 

Made a hundred phone calls.

Sat in the ICU for 3 days looking like a serial killer.

Having to make a loved one's end of life decisions is something I hope you never have to do. Having to remain calm and collected while you watch someone you love die is heart wrenching to say the least.

One more funeral to plan. A house to clear out. Legal details to clean up. Bills to pay. A thousand phone calls to make. I still keep forgetting to actually call the funeral home during business hours to arrange to have her date of death inscribed on her headstone. One more detail to be seen to.

Half of our little family gone now. How is it possible that time has passed this quickly? How can this many people be missing from my life now. Have I just reached that age where everyone I know starts dying? I swear I am not that old! I just keep hearing a little voice in my head saying "this isn't the way it was supposed to happen".

I have reached a creative low point and I am struggling to find the motivation to do the things that have always brought me such joy. I have decided that the month of December is going to be the month I put me first and take care of me. I need some extra care right now.  I'll be back in full force the first of the year, until then I will be a little scarce.

Hug your family close and tell them you love them. At the end of the day that is all that really matters.

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